Hello anyone please?! Can someone HELP me??? I'm a mother of a minor child that lived in my home 60% of the time and 40% at his dad's originally, joint custody. I had my son half of the school week and dad the other half and alternating weekends. It had been like this for the last 3 years. He had been going to the same private, Catholic school since K-5th grade. Now I will summarize everything that happened over the course of the last 31/2 years in Family Court...
First of all, my husband left me, approximately a year later after no support of anything. I filed to the County of Child Services to get child support. He works for the City of Los Angeles. I worked for my family's restaurant. After I filed for child support, he filed for divorce. Almost a year after I filed for child support, the County have calculated that he needs to pay me $250.00/month. I then filed for modification to increase the amount of child support. My reasoning was he filed for bankruptcy and was discharged on 2008, he lives with his mom, sister (38 yrs. of age), and nephew (17 yrs. old). One of the reasons why we separated was because he wanted to stay at his mom's house. He didn't want to move and start anew with his family (me & our son). He makes $6,000/month and I make $2,400/month. I pay for rent, utilities, credit cards, etc. What is $250.00/month out of his salary? He owed me back child support from the time that I filed until the day he started paying. It was calculated that he owed me $6,000.00 for back child support, but they negotiated and agreed in the amount of $4,000.00. On top of $250.00/monthly that will be automatically deducted from his paycheck at work, he will pay for the back child support in installments of $150.00 every 3rd of the month by personal check. At first, he paid on time, but after 3 to 4 months, it became every 9th of the month, then 2 months after, it became 11th to every 15th of the month. I have never complained about that matter, just kept my mouth shut. But when it comes to my son, I don't keep quiet. I will speak up until I get heard but that didn't happened. As a mother, and all mothers can relate, that we will fight to protect our children and will do anything for the best interest of our children. Every year, I tried to take off work and take my son for a vacation to spend time with him. I was called for an emergency court hearing when we were at vacation and have told to come back. They have informed me that the Judge have asked to bring my son also to the court which we did go. It was regarding my son's schooling. It never occurred in my mind to send my child to a different school because he had been going to the same school for the last 6 years and he has only 3 more years to go. The dad and I have agreed to pay half for all the child's school expenses. After 2 years, he suddenly decided not to pay his school tuition fees, after all the child support and back child support have been established. When he called for an emergency hearing, I will present to the Judge the unpaid balance from school and was hoping that the Judge will let him pay for his share so that I could let my child be back to school. What is less than $500.00 every other month to pay for your only son's education? Is that too much to ask? The Judge then asked me if we have a written contract in regard of sharing of payment, and I said, "none." Then the dad said, "he verbally told me in the beginning of school year 2008-2009 that he can't afford to pay any longer," which didn't happen because we never talked in the first place. Our communication are usually through text which didn't happen nor he didn't have any proof that he have sent me one. The Judge have then asked me if I could pay for my child's' schooling on my own. I said, " no, that's why I'm asking the dad to help me." The Judge have told me that I could take a vacation but can't pay my dues. I did pay my share and so what if we had a vacation. It was a long drive to visit family that lived out of state. The dad have prepared and showed that he had picked a school for our child to attend, filled up all the paper works without any permission from me nor my name in it, and only 5 minutes away from his place. Well in short, the Judge granted, heard, and believed his side of the story and sent my child to that school. I don't have a written contract nor does he, but how could she believed his side of the story?
The day after the emergency court hearing, we had another one the next day. I have asked the Judge to reconsider my child's' school because I have talked to my family after her decision if they could help me pay for tuition fees and they have all agreed to pitch in, but she stood by her order. I've told her that I will pay my son's tuition at my own expense and will not asked the dad for anything just bring back my son to his old school. She said, "Your son have already went a day at that school so let him stay there and it's better for an early transition." I then asked her," what is one day?" The old school and new school are both only up to 8th grade so what's the difference? In 3 years, we will look again for another school. It took me an hour to drove one way to the new school while his old school took me less than 30 minutes and same goes with the dad. The old school is in the middle of us where we lived. I have brought my child at first day of school because he was at my custody and he had a hard time. He was not used to that school and overwhelmed by the differences. Before I left him, Ive told him that I will try to bring him back to his old school. The dad will have custody of him after school, so my son have called me and have asked me if the Judge have granted my request. I told him that I've done and said everything that I could think of, but unfortunately she didn't hear me. My son cried after he heard that. I've felt so helpless and it hurts so much that all I can do was to cry with him. I told my son sorry and I've tried all my best.
Its been a week but I'm still trying to figure out how I could bring him back to his old school. I did some research at the new school and found some unpleasant information about it. Through the Department of Education, it was one of the 10 schools that under State-Intervention (Nov. 2008) because they have never met any standard growth that they need to. Their academics are way below the District nor the State Standards. I have accumulated all the school information but yet didn't have the chance to present it in court. How could a dad sent his only child to a school like this? And the Judge didn't even looked at what kind of school it is because she took his words that it's a good school and he had done his research of it. If he ever did, don't you think we could have seen the same info?
She gave her final decision only this week after 31/2 long years of court, and she decided to give the physical primary custody of our son to the dad. She gave me 21% of custody, which is alternating weekends and one day of school week and 79% to the dad. There are 3 reasons as to why she made that decision. First of all, because I work 6 days/week and the dad works 5 days/week. I dropped him off to school and usually I let my dad picked him up because my dad have always been a part of his life, love my son dearly, and I want my son to keep his relationship with his grandpa. After school, most of the time, my son goes to the restaurant where I worked and there I sit with him to do his homework. Because the moment that I stand up, not one minute that he will do the same. I understand it's not the appropriate place for my son to do his homework, but we were raised in the same situation by our parents. People have different opinions. While at his dad's side, it's the other way around. He usually go to work early so his mom usually dropped him off but the truth is, the mom doesn't drive anymore, so it's his sister that drops my son to school, but he usually picked him up after school. What's the difference in our situation? I think it's just the other way around. Don't you all agree? Secondly, the Judge said that I don't helped my son with his homework by dad's statements but he doesn't have any proof that I don't. My son's teacher could have at least sent us a letter stating that our son have not been doing his homework. She said that I know my son had problem academically but I didn't do anything to help him. I, myself, decided to teach my son which I've been doing since he went to school. I have spoken to my son's teacher about it, and he had nothing against my choice. He even said that my son needs focus primarily. If he focused on his school stuff, he did fine. The dad have said that he got a tutor for him but didn't show any proof that he did for one. And also the dad have said that I have never helped our son in school projects which the Judge have also believed. Thirdly, through the dad's statement he said our son is Obese which he doesn't have any proof medically that he is. I always bring him to his doctor and dentist appointments and have never heard any doctors said that he is obese. My son is not skinny I know but being called an obese is different. He is a big kid obviously but not obese. The Judge have accused me of not doing anything about it which is Untrue. I have brought my son to a specialist, she didn't say he's obese. She just want to monitor him like how fast he runs/walks a mile and wants me to get a speedometer to monitor. Something like that and get his blood works. The dad statements are they cooked everyday at home and he enrolled our son to basketball which he had been doing for the last 2 years already. It's hard for me to make schedule for any extracurricular activities for him because he plays basketball on weekends and he does play basketball after school though not every day. The food where I worked is like home cooking meals that's why our customers buy there because they said rather than they cook at home they will just buy there. Most people buy food at food chains like McDonald's, Burger King, Beef Bowl, and so on once in a while. I will be hypocrite to say that I don't. Well the Judge have hold that against me and she said that I let my son eats whatever he wants in the restaurant. May I ask what's the difference between home cooking and the food we cooked at the restaurant that I worked at? The Judge have no idea what kind of restaurant I worked at in my opinion, she have no rights to judge me on what I feed my son. These are her reasons as to why she chose the dad to have primary custody to our son. One last thing, she have ordered me to pay him child support of $240.00/month. How can someone with a monthly salary of $2,400.00 pay someone with a salary of $6,000.00/month??? My son is the most important, his education which that's all I could give him to have a bright, successful future, and well-being. I can accept the Judge's decision openly, wholeheartedly if I have been an unfit mother as she have said.
Where's the so called "JUSTICE?"
Well I got almost nothing through this whole scenario, from property to child. It ended up that I will be the one paying. I'm wondering if the Judge can't see that the dad is all about his Money? He wants to keep it all to himself and his family (mom, sister,& nephew). I don't mind if I lost all these earthly things, but my son is the one I'm fighting about, the reason why I'm working hard so I could give him a better future, the one I hold deeply in my heart.
So PLEASE...I need all the help I could get to bring back my son...
